The Inmate Returns
August 17th, 2007 by tempe
I recently wrote a post about a prison inmate in the South Carolina who was suing Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick for “63,000,000,000 billion dollars.” Well, it seems that the inmate, Jonathan Lee Riches, is at it again. This time he’s suing Barry Bonds, MLB Commissioner Bud Selig, and (I’m not making this up) Hank Aaron’s bat for “42,000,000 million dollars” (in Swiss francs, no less).
The suit alleges that Sammy Sosa has been supervising Mr. Selig to secretly give Mr. Bonds steroids, which were apparently hid in a secret compartment in Mr. Aaron’s bat (and which Bonds would secretly take in the on deck circle prior to his at bats). And, apparently, Mr. Bond’s patriotism is at stake as well: Riches alleges that Bonds used the bat to crack the Liberty Bell. I’m not kidding.
It was bad enough that Michael Vick was selling pit bulls on Ebay in order to buy missiles from Iran. Now, we have this conspiracy uncovered:
Riches also says Bonds left him a threatening message on his iPhone, bench-pressed him against his will to show off in front of his buddies, got him indicted because he threatened to expose his steroid and cocaine abuse and even sold steroids to nuns.
Perhaps convents are a new untapped market for performance enhancing drugs…